Eric Jablow
2007-06-17 21:43:10 UTC
Daria asks Jane softly, "Do you believe them?"
"We saw her kill two of those things. You killed one of
them."
"But a world-wide battle against them? Why hasn't it
been public?"
"So ask them. I can use the money, you know."
"Same here. They're really strange--not like Artie,
but strange. Consistent."
The two return to the table, just missing Faith's short
nod at Xander.
"I still have a few questions," says Daria.
"Shoot."
"I can't believe that the government isn't involved in
this. You'd think that they'd take the lead in
fighting these vampires."
"They have, in the past. It's usually been a
disaster," says Xander.
"They're always tempted to use them," adds Robin.
Jane asks, "Bush?"
Faith replies, "Clinton." Robin adds, "Be fair, Faith.
He didn't know what they were doing." "He should have
known."
"What were they doing?"
"They had a base under UC Sunnydale; they were
capturing the local vampires and demons to study,"
replies Xander.
Daria asks, "What went wrong?"
"Their experiments were torture, pretty much. The
Slayers kill vampires, but our side doesn't torture
them." Faith looks a bit wistful. "They experimented
on other demons and supernaturals too."
"Some 'demons' are just visitors from another
dimension; they're just immigrants, really," says
Robin.
Faith adds, "Lorne's a great guy."
Xander says, "Clem's a good one, if you don't care for
cats. But, they experimented on humans too. Oz was a
werewolf, but he was one of our friends."
"Werewolves," says Daria.
"There is a germ of truth in most monster stories and
fairy tales. There are vampires, werewolves, trolls,
djinni and efreeti, zombies, ghosts, and evil lawyers.
Unfortunately, the people in charge of that base
decided to enact 'Frankenstein.'"
"And you stopped them."
"Barely. We let the government know afterwards that
not to meddle with the supernatural; they've turned it
over to us," says Xander.
Robin adds, "Besides, a born-again Christian like Bush
isn't likely to try to get power from demons."
Xander thinks for a moment. "In fact--Roger, you need
to take a break for about fifteen minutes."
"Xan, Willow left me strict instructions not to leave
you alone."
"Willow is not in charge here."
"But--"
"Go." Xander stares at Roger; he looks patient and
confident. After a minute, Roger replies, "But
Xander." Xander simply closes his right eye. "All
right." Roger gets up and leaves.
"I'm sorry about that, but no one would believe you if
you told this story, and they'd believe him."
"Oh, wonderful."
"No offense intended, Jane. It's just that Roger's
known as one of Willow's magicians, and I don't trust
him with this. Magicians often have their own
agendas."
"I guess."
"Anyhow, back in the summer of 2002, Buffy was summoned
to a meeting in Washington. They brought Giles over
from England, and the two of them met with President
Bush, some Air Force types, and some security types.
The President showed them a set of photographs taken at
an archaeological dig in Iraq, about forty miles from
the dig at Ur. Don't ask me how the photos were taken;
I don't know. Iraqi soldiers were building an
sacrificial altar there, and Buffy and Giles recognized
some of the symbols.
"They figured out that the altar was to be used to
sacrifice people to efreeti, to try to form an alliance
with them. Now, this could only have been done at a
place of great evil."
"Wait. Sodom?"
Xander laughs. "Pretty good, Daria. The other one.
Gomorrah. They also showed them some documents
detailing the construction plans. Giles figured that
it would take thousands of sacrifices, but the Iraqis
might have been able to pull it off. And Saddam
certainly had thousands of sacrifices available."
"You mean that WMDs actually stand for--" Jane's voice
drifts off.
"Weapons of Magical Destruction, right."
"I understand that the President and Tony Blair have
made it clear to certain other nations that further
national attempts to raise demons would result in a
strategic response," says Robin.
"Nuclear."
"Sure."
"I never heard this story," says Faith.
"You weren't around then, and it didn't seem important
afterwards. But Daria and Jane need to know why
governments can't be trusted with what we do."
Someone knocks on the door. Xander gets up and opens
it; Roger stands at the door and asks, "Are you done?"
"We're done. Does everyone want dessert?"
"I could use a brandy," says Daria. Jane nods.
----
The remnants of desert are on the table, and the six of
them are sipping coffee. Daria asks, "How did you get
to be CEO anyway, Xander?"
Xander looks embarrassed for a moment, and Faith pipes
up: "We forced him."
"After we blew up Sunnydale, we had just 15 Slayers,
Giles, Dawn, Robin, and Andrew, all on a rickety
school bus heading to central California. We had to
stop at the first town out of the danger zone with a
hospital, for Robin. We stayed there for a few days,
but the new Slayers wanted to head home."
"Can't blame them," says Faith.
"After Robin was released, we held a memorial service
for the ones we lost and for Sunnydale. Who knew that
Giles liked Kipling so much?" Xander shakes his head.
Then, Willow set up a secure computer site for us, and
created a bare-bones support system for the Slayers.
Giles went to England to try to salvage the assets of
the old Council. Buffy and Dawn took a long vacation
in Europe. Faith and Robin went to Cleveland to set up
headquarters at the little Hellmouth. Willow and
Kennedy went to South America to search for Slayers and
do--"
"Each other," interrupts Faith.
"Cho-Ann went back to China to find the Asian Slayers.
And I took on Africa. I needed to get away." Faith,
Robin, and Roger nod.
"Anyhow, in early May of 2003, I got shot in the leg
getting Nathi out of Zimbabwe."
"A white man in Zimbabwe? With Mugabe there? How did
you survive?"
"I told you I got shot, Daria. But somebody has to
help the Slayers. We owe it to them. We don't leave
them to fight alone. Anyhow, Nathi carried me to a
village in Botswana; that's a nice country. And they
took care of me."
"Willow was furious," says Faith. "It was an 8 on the
Willow-scale."
Jane asks, "How bad is that?"
"Well, a 10 is 'Destroy the world.' A 9 is 'Nuke them
from orbit--it's the only way to be sure.' She ended
up teleporting to the middle of the operating room,
really scaring the doctors. When she found out how it
happened, she gave each of the soldiers who fired at
Xander and Nathi a visit. I don't think any of them
survived the experience."
"I hate it when Willow does that, but I wasn't in a
position to stop her. We got Nathi settled there, and
Willow forced me back to the US. I needed some plastic
surgery anyway."
Robin continues, "Giles had finally gotten affairs in
England settled. Buffy and Dawn were back from Italy,
and we were setting up the new Council. All the new
Slayers showed up at the Council house, and they made
it clear that if Xander wasn't the new CEO, they'd
walk. And when 150 Slayers show up and say they want
something done, it gets done."
Faith says, "You see, Xander isn't a trained fighter,
he's not a magician, and he doesn't have any other type
of special power. However, we trust him. They know he
will stand with them no matter what happens, and that
he won't manipulate them. He's fought the battle for
nearly ten years; they know what he's given up for it."
"The new Slayers forced us to add a by-law that
the CEO be a normal human, not a Slayer, a magician, or
a trained Watcher. Too many of the old Potentials have
bad memories of their assigned Watchers."
"But why does he rate a bodyguard?" asks Jane.
Faith laughs. "He always gets into trouble. Bug
people, cheerleaders, vampires, disease spirits."
"You."
"What did it this time, X?"
Xander and Robin say nothing. Finally, Roger breaks
the silence: "He staked Dru."
"What, Xander? You nailed the old ho? Why
didn't anyone tell me?" No one answers, and finally
faith says, "Roger, what did Xander do?"
"He and Annette found Dru's hideout, and Xander ended
up staking her."
Faith yells, "Annette? You took Flame-gal on a secret
mission?"
"Flame-Gal? Like the Fantastic Four?"
"No, Daria. Every Slayer has her favorite weapons.
Every one uses stakes, but most like using swords.
Some use axes for the extra oomph. Annette prefers
flamethrowers."
"Her father was a SEAL and her mother's a Grucci. Of
course she'd prefer to blow things up," says Faith.
"What did you do, X?"
"Remember when we took out Wolfram and Hart last year?"
"Who?"
"Law firm for the demons and vampires in LA. They'd
killed some friends of ours last May, soon after Xander
got back. We waited until we got organized and then
we hit them the week before Thanksgiving. What else
happened then, X?"
"While we were getting out of the place, I saw Dru's
dossier on a desk. I took it and did some snooping
afterwards. Dru's one of the loonies."
"You didn't tell anyone."
"I'll be damned if I told Buffy or Giles about that.
Anyhow, I tracked her down to Renton, Washington, and
Annette and I went there last month."
"But Annette? Why her?"
"I needed the shock power. And she liked the idea of burning
out some vamps. Anyhow, I did it for Kendra."
"What did you do?"
"The two of us infiltrated the place. We'd taken out
the last of the minions when Dru grabbed her and tossed
her into a wall. Then, she knocked me out. When I
woke up, she had Annette trussed up like one of her
damned doll parties. She wanted to know if we'd led
anyone else to her; that's why she hadn't killed us."
"How did you get out of there, X?"
"She stood me up, and then she tried to hypnotize me.
She looked into my eyes, and she tried to hypnotize
me."
"Ah, shit, X."
"She looked like Anya." Faith, Robin, and Roger are
lost in thought for a moment, and then Xander's cell
phone rings. He picks it up.
"Hello?" The reply is inaudible.
"How's Seattle, Barbara?--I know it's wet, yes.--What
about the disappearances?--You figured them out?--Good.
Gnargs, you say. It's probably a fertility ritual;
they've got their ten victims, so it'll go down at
midnight.--No, Barbara! Your actions are not
approved. You march in there, and you're asking to get
shot. Even Slayers can't outrun a bullet.--Yes, a
bullet. Gnargs are one of the few demon races to know
rifles.--One of them tried to take a pot shot at Giles
summer of '01.--No, Giles didn't kill him; Lorne
stopped it." Xander turns to Robin and snaps his
fingers. "Who do we have in Seattle?"
Robin presses some buttons on his cell phone. "Captain
Timothy O'Hehir, Commander, 2nd Special Weapons and
Tactics. 206-555-5772."
Xander turns back to his phone. "Look, call Captain
Timothy O'Hehir at 206-555-5772. Get yourself checked
out with body armor, and get them to help with a covert
insertion.--I know you hate body armor, but you need
it.--Look, if you get killed, the funeral expenses come
out of your salary.--Yeah, Barbara, I know.--Look, you
do well, and next time I'm in Seattle, I'll take you
out for ice cream. As big a sundae as you want. Yeah,
we'll pull the 'moron' scam.--Happy hunting." Xander
closes his phone.
Jane asks, "How old is she?"
"Seventeen," says Robin. Daria just stares at Xander.
Roger gets up and calls the waitress in for the check,
and Xander pays for the meal, adding a hefty tip. Soon
they leave the restaurant; Xander and Roger take their
leave: "I hate plane flights." Faith and Robin turn
toward Boston Common: "I gotta get some miles in.
Hey, Robin, do you think the Sox will repeat?" Robin
scowls, and they head off.
Daria and Jane walk toward the subway entrance, and
then they see Faith turn around and run to them. Her
grin is manic. "He's not dating anyone, D." "What?"
Faith runs off.
"You want to go to the museum?" Daria nods. "Weird."
"Yeah."
---
That evening, they split a pizza pie at a hangout near
BFAC. "Jane, mind if I stay over tonight?"
"Sure. My dorm is your dorm." Jane thinks a moment.
"Um, why?"
"I'm in extreme need."
"Oh."
"We saw her kill two of those things. You killed one of
them."
"But a world-wide battle against them? Why hasn't it
been public?"
"So ask them. I can use the money, you know."
"Same here. They're really strange--not like Artie,
but strange. Consistent."
The two return to the table, just missing Faith's short
nod at Xander.
"I still have a few questions," says Daria.
"Shoot."
"I can't believe that the government isn't involved in
this. You'd think that they'd take the lead in
fighting these vampires."
"They have, in the past. It's usually been a
disaster," says Xander.
"They're always tempted to use them," adds Robin.
Jane asks, "Bush?"
Faith replies, "Clinton." Robin adds, "Be fair, Faith.
He didn't know what they were doing." "He should have
known."
"What were they doing?"
"They had a base under UC Sunnydale; they were
capturing the local vampires and demons to study,"
replies Xander.
Daria asks, "What went wrong?"
"Their experiments were torture, pretty much. The
Slayers kill vampires, but our side doesn't torture
them." Faith looks a bit wistful. "They experimented
on other demons and supernaturals too."
"Some 'demons' are just visitors from another
dimension; they're just immigrants, really," says
Robin.
Faith adds, "Lorne's a great guy."
Xander says, "Clem's a good one, if you don't care for
cats. But, they experimented on humans too. Oz was a
werewolf, but he was one of our friends."
"Werewolves," says Daria.
"There is a germ of truth in most monster stories and
fairy tales. There are vampires, werewolves, trolls,
djinni and efreeti, zombies, ghosts, and evil lawyers.
Unfortunately, the people in charge of that base
decided to enact 'Frankenstein.'"
"And you stopped them."
"Barely. We let the government know afterwards that
not to meddle with the supernatural; they've turned it
over to us," says Xander.
Robin adds, "Besides, a born-again Christian like Bush
isn't likely to try to get power from demons."
Xander thinks for a moment. "In fact--Roger, you need
to take a break for about fifteen minutes."
"Xan, Willow left me strict instructions not to leave
you alone."
"Willow is not in charge here."
"But--"
"Go." Xander stares at Roger; he looks patient and
confident. After a minute, Roger replies, "But
Xander." Xander simply closes his right eye. "All
right." Roger gets up and leaves.
"I'm sorry about that, but no one would believe you if
you told this story, and they'd believe him."
"Oh, wonderful."
"No offense intended, Jane. It's just that Roger's
known as one of Willow's magicians, and I don't trust
him with this. Magicians often have their own
agendas."
"I guess."
"Anyhow, back in the summer of 2002, Buffy was summoned
to a meeting in Washington. They brought Giles over
from England, and the two of them met with President
Bush, some Air Force types, and some security types.
The President showed them a set of photographs taken at
an archaeological dig in Iraq, about forty miles from
the dig at Ur. Don't ask me how the photos were taken;
I don't know. Iraqi soldiers were building an
sacrificial altar there, and Buffy and Giles recognized
some of the symbols.
"They figured out that the altar was to be used to
sacrifice people to efreeti, to try to form an alliance
with them. Now, this could only have been done at a
place of great evil."
"Wait. Sodom?"
Xander laughs. "Pretty good, Daria. The other one.
Gomorrah. They also showed them some documents
detailing the construction plans. Giles figured that
it would take thousands of sacrifices, but the Iraqis
might have been able to pull it off. And Saddam
certainly had thousands of sacrifices available."
"You mean that WMDs actually stand for--" Jane's voice
drifts off.
"Weapons of Magical Destruction, right."
"I understand that the President and Tony Blair have
made it clear to certain other nations that further
national attempts to raise demons would result in a
strategic response," says Robin.
"Nuclear."
"Sure."
"I never heard this story," says Faith.
"You weren't around then, and it didn't seem important
afterwards. But Daria and Jane need to know why
governments can't be trusted with what we do."
Someone knocks on the door. Xander gets up and opens
it; Roger stands at the door and asks, "Are you done?"
"We're done. Does everyone want dessert?"
"I could use a brandy," says Daria. Jane nods.
----
The remnants of desert are on the table, and the six of
them are sipping coffee. Daria asks, "How did you get
to be CEO anyway, Xander?"
Xander looks embarrassed for a moment, and Faith pipes
up: "We forced him."
"After we blew up Sunnydale, we had just 15 Slayers,
Giles, Dawn, Robin, and Andrew, all on a rickety
school bus heading to central California. We had to
stop at the first town out of the danger zone with a
hospital, for Robin. We stayed there for a few days,
but the new Slayers wanted to head home."
"Can't blame them," says Faith.
"After Robin was released, we held a memorial service
for the ones we lost and for Sunnydale. Who knew that
Giles liked Kipling so much?" Xander shakes his head.
Then, Willow set up a secure computer site for us, and
created a bare-bones support system for the Slayers.
Giles went to England to try to salvage the assets of
the old Council. Buffy and Dawn took a long vacation
in Europe. Faith and Robin went to Cleveland to set up
headquarters at the little Hellmouth. Willow and
Kennedy went to South America to search for Slayers and
do--"
"Each other," interrupts Faith.
"Cho-Ann went back to China to find the Asian Slayers.
And I took on Africa. I needed to get away." Faith,
Robin, and Roger nod.
"Anyhow, in early May of 2003, I got shot in the leg
getting Nathi out of Zimbabwe."
"A white man in Zimbabwe? With Mugabe there? How did
you survive?"
"I told you I got shot, Daria. But somebody has to
help the Slayers. We owe it to them. We don't leave
them to fight alone. Anyhow, Nathi carried me to a
village in Botswana; that's a nice country. And they
took care of me."
"Willow was furious," says Faith. "It was an 8 on the
Willow-scale."
Jane asks, "How bad is that?"
"Well, a 10 is 'Destroy the world.' A 9 is 'Nuke them
from orbit--it's the only way to be sure.' She ended
up teleporting to the middle of the operating room,
really scaring the doctors. When she found out how it
happened, she gave each of the soldiers who fired at
Xander and Nathi a visit. I don't think any of them
survived the experience."
"I hate it when Willow does that, but I wasn't in a
position to stop her. We got Nathi settled there, and
Willow forced me back to the US. I needed some plastic
surgery anyway."
Robin continues, "Giles had finally gotten affairs in
England settled. Buffy and Dawn were back from Italy,
and we were setting up the new Council. All the new
Slayers showed up at the Council house, and they made
it clear that if Xander wasn't the new CEO, they'd
walk. And when 150 Slayers show up and say they want
something done, it gets done."
Faith says, "You see, Xander isn't a trained fighter,
he's not a magician, and he doesn't have any other type
of special power. However, we trust him. They know he
will stand with them no matter what happens, and that
he won't manipulate them. He's fought the battle for
nearly ten years; they know what he's given up for it."
"The new Slayers forced us to add a by-law that
the CEO be a normal human, not a Slayer, a magician, or
a trained Watcher. Too many of the old Potentials have
bad memories of their assigned Watchers."
"But why does he rate a bodyguard?" asks Jane.
Faith laughs. "He always gets into trouble. Bug
people, cheerleaders, vampires, disease spirits."
"You."
"What did it this time, X?"
Xander and Robin say nothing. Finally, Roger breaks
the silence: "He staked Dru."
"What, Xander? You nailed the old ho? Why
didn't anyone tell me?" No one answers, and finally
faith says, "Roger, what did Xander do?"
"He and Annette found Dru's hideout, and Xander ended
up staking her."
Faith yells, "Annette? You took Flame-gal on a secret
mission?"
"Flame-Gal? Like the Fantastic Four?"
"No, Daria. Every Slayer has her favorite weapons.
Every one uses stakes, but most like using swords.
Some use axes for the extra oomph. Annette prefers
flamethrowers."
"Her father was a SEAL and her mother's a Grucci. Of
course she'd prefer to blow things up," says Faith.
"What did you do, X?"
"Remember when we took out Wolfram and Hart last year?"
"Who?"
"Law firm for the demons and vampires in LA. They'd
killed some friends of ours last May, soon after Xander
got back. We waited until we got organized and then
we hit them the week before Thanksgiving. What else
happened then, X?"
"While we were getting out of the place, I saw Dru's
dossier on a desk. I took it and did some snooping
afterwards. Dru's one of the loonies."
"You didn't tell anyone."
"I'll be damned if I told Buffy or Giles about that.
Anyhow, I tracked her down to Renton, Washington, and
Annette and I went there last month."
"But Annette? Why her?"
"I needed the shock power. And she liked the idea of burning
out some vamps. Anyhow, I did it for Kendra."
"What did you do?"
"The two of us infiltrated the place. We'd taken out
the last of the minions when Dru grabbed her and tossed
her into a wall. Then, she knocked me out. When I
woke up, she had Annette trussed up like one of her
damned doll parties. She wanted to know if we'd led
anyone else to her; that's why she hadn't killed us."
"How did you get out of there, X?"
"She stood me up, and then she tried to hypnotize me.
She looked into my eyes, and she tried to hypnotize
me."
"Ah, shit, X."
"She looked like Anya." Faith, Robin, and Roger are
lost in thought for a moment, and then Xander's cell
phone rings. He picks it up.
"Hello?" The reply is inaudible.
"How's Seattle, Barbara?--I know it's wet, yes.--What
about the disappearances?--You figured them out?--Good.
Gnargs, you say. It's probably a fertility ritual;
they've got their ten victims, so it'll go down at
midnight.--No, Barbara! Your actions are not
approved. You march in there, and you're asking to get
shot. Even Slayers can't outrun a bullet.--Yes, a
bullet. Gnargs are one of the few demon races to know
rifles.--One of them tried to take a pot shot at Giles
summer of '01.--No, Giles didn't kill him; Lorne
stopped it." Xander turns to Robin and snaps his
fingers. "Who do we have in Seattle?"
Robin presses some buttons on his cell phone. "Captain
Timothy O'Hehir, Commander, 2nd Special Weapons and
Tactics. 206-555-5772."
Xander turns back to his phone. "Look, call Captain
Timothy O'Hehir at 206-555-5772. Get yourself checked
out with body armor, and get them to help with a covert
insertion.--I know you hate body armor, but you need
it.--Look, if you get killed, the funeral expenses come
out of your salary.--Yeah, Barbara, I know.--Look, you
do well, and next time I'm in Seattle, I'll take you
out for ice cream. As big a sundae as you want. Yeah,
we'll pull the 'moron' scam.--Happy hunting." Xander
closes his phone.
Jane asks, "How old is she?"
"Seventeen," says Robin. Daria just stares at Xander.
Roger gets up and calls the waitress in for the check,
and Xander pays for the meal, adding a hefty tip. Soon
they leave the restaurant; Xander and Roger take their
leave: "I hate plane flights." Faith and Robin turn
toward Boston Common: "I gotta get some miles in.
Hey, Robin, do you think the Sox will repeat?" Robin
scowls, and they head off.
Daria and Jane walk toward the subway entrance, and
then they see Faith turn around and run to them. Her
grin is manic. "He's not dating anyone, D." "What?"
Faith runs off.
"You want to go to the museum?" Daria nods. "Weird."
"Yeah."
---
That evening, they split a pizza pie at a hangout near
BFAC. "Jane, mind if I stay over tonight?"
"Sure. My dorm is your dorm." Jane thinks a moment.
"Um, why?"
"I'm in extreme need."
"Oh."
--
Respectfully,
Eric Jablow
Respectfully,
Eric Jablow