Eric Jablow
2007-08-25 06:25:38 UTC
Chiropteran
by Eric Jablow
Sequel to "Keepers in Rome" and "Inspired
Conversations".
----
"Are we there yet?"
"No, Xander."
"Are we there yet?"
"No, Xander! I know Willow stuck me with the job of
watching you, but I'm not happy with it either. So,
grow up," said Roger Bloom.
"Tell me why you have to drive us to Lexington instead
of us flying there."
"Because DHS gets very nervous when either of you go
flying anywhere without giving them one week's notice.
Just ask Buffy what happened the last time she tried
flying anywhere."
Buffy stirs from her nap upon hearing her name.
"I guess you're right," says Xander. He dozed again.
"Are we there yet?"
"Buffy, grow up. Please."
---
Buffy and Xander stood outside a rest stop 60 miles
north of Lexington, Kentucky; they were sipping coffee
from large travel mugs.
"So, are the other teams in position, Xander?"
"Annette and Carl are near Phil Myers' site. Eugenia
and Bethany are at Jeannie Wilkes', and Danielle and
Bob are at Cara Phelps' site."
"I hate it when we get a group vampire attack and
siring."
"Reminds you of the Anointed One?"
"Yeah. Four people from U. of Kentucky and
Transylvania University coming back from a vacation
trip, and they get whacked."
"We haven't been able to kill of all the vampires yet,
but we're getting there. The remaining ones must be
desperate. And who'd name a university after Drac's
home anyway?"
"I don't know. But I'm getting a funny feeling about
this one. The three of us will be at the cemetery in
Lexington for Sam O'Brien's; I think we'll all be
needed."
Roger walked toward them from the travel center. Xander
asked him, "You got rooms for us?"
"Rooms 232 and 342 at the Lexington Marriott. Your
room has a Jacuzzi, Buffy."
"I get that?"
Roger shrugs. "You're the senior Slayer."
"Thanks. I do ache sometimes after a fight." The
three went back to the car.
"Did I ever thank you for taking down Dru?"
"No, Buffy."
"Thanks. Don't do it again."
"I'll try not to." They get into the car.
"So, Xan, how was the Boston trip?"
"Pretty good. Faith was Faith, of course. But I think
we'll get at least one good analyst out of the deal. I
am going to need to talk to the SHS Memorial website;
there's a little too much data out there on us."
"That could be bad."
---
Just before dusk that evening, Buffy, Xander, and Roger
waited near a fresh grave at the Shady Rest Cemetery of
Lexington.
"They're all in position and ready," said Xander.
"Good." Buffy made a final check of her stakes; she
had enough of them to pitch a large tent. Then, she
unsheathed her sword.
"You really like that one," said Xander. His crossbow
was at hand, and an axe was strapped to his belt.
Roger looked carefully at the sword. "That is an
interesting blade. Where did you get it?"
"In Europe."
"She's not going to tell us, Roger."
"No, I'm not. Whatever happens, Roger, keep Xander
safe." The "Or else!" she left unspoken.
"I have only shielding spells, Buffy."
"Do you ever get the feeling that we're getting bored
with this."
"We're professionals, Xander. But we'd better pay
attention. We can't afford to slip up."
The three heard a familiar sliding noise from the
grave they were near. "Showtime."
A pair of claws poked through the earth, and Buffy got
her stake ready. Then, the thing masquerading as Sam
O'Brien pulled itself halfway out of the ground. It
looked at them, and shook its head. "Wha-wha-where am
I?"
Buffy and Xander snickered; about one-third of all new
vampires tried to play dumb. The rest were just dumb.
"Goodbye, 'Sam.'" The vampire snarled and transformed,
but that lasted only five seconds before Buffy's stake
pierced its heart.
"That was too easy."
"Look behind you, Buffy," replied Xander. A troop of a
dozen vampires strode toward them. They carry lead
pipes, chains, and switchblades. "That's Lyle
Gorch--and the Sharks?"
"We meet again, Slayer. And you don't have a monster
around to help you."
"Don't need one." The junior vampires charged; with a
flick of Buffy's wrist and a thud of a crossbow firing,
two of them were only dust. "Shield him!"
Buffy drew her sword and charged the vampire troop;
five of the junior vampires ran to meet her while the
other four swung around toward Xander and Roger. Roger
spoke a word in Latin and threw a handful of red powder
on the ground; sparks rose around them. Then a glowing
cylinder surrounded them, and the four running vampires
bounced off.
Buffy fenced with the five vampires facing her, but
they must have trained together; each time she struck
at one, its fellows pressed their attack on her and she
was forced to pull back. She occasionally drew blood
striking at their exposed arms and legs, but that would
only be a nuisance. She received some glancing blows
from their pipes and clubs, but she could shrug those
off all night.
"Are you worried, Xander?" Roger had never seen Buffy
fight.
"Piece of cake." Xander looked a bit unsure of
himself. Lyle called out a command, and two of the
vampires trying to batter their way through the shield
spell then peeled off to try to get behind Buffy.
"Buffy, behind you!"
Just before the newcomers reached her, Buffy leaped into
the air, somersaulting over their heads. As she landed,
she threw a stake at one of them newcomers; only dust
was left.
Two vampires stood guard over Xander and Roger; Lyle
and the remaining vampires then charged Buffy. Now
with seven opponents, she was worried. Then, Buffy
started to hear a faint high-pitched cry coming from
high in the air in the general direction of town, but
none of her opponents seemed to hear it. The fight went
on, the noise getting louder.
After a few indecisive minutes of battle, Lyle lost his
patience. Lyle stepped behind one of the junior
vampires and shoved it forward, spitting it on Buffy's
sword. The vampires try to swarm her as she lets go of
the sword; one punches her in the right side, dropping
her to the ground. She desperately tries to roll away
from the vampires, as Xander looks on in horror, but
one looms over her and grabs her.
As the vampire bends down to drain her, a winged figure
glides over the fighters and stoops on the two of
them. Just as the vamp was about to bite her, the
winged monster grabbed it, piercing the vamp's torso.
The vamp screams as the monster flies off with it, and
Buffy leaps to her feet.
Buffy ran through the shocked vamps and reached the
transfixed demon. "I'm going to need this." She then
pulled the sword from the vamp's torso and ended its
existence. She heard a cry from above. She looked up
to see the monster dropping his prey from tree-height.
It landed head first onto a gravestone; its head a red
ruin, it was out of the fight.
The remaining vampires walked gingerly toward Buffy;
they were a little cowed. Suddenly, the monster banked
and flew through the milling vampires. They ducked as it
landed next to Buffy. It gently holds her with its
claws, and it launches the two of them into the air,
escaping the vampires' charge.
"Who are you, pretty lady?" The monster had a
distorted, half-human face, and his wings are thin and
membranous. His voice was high-pitched and reedy.
"I'm Buffy. And you?"
"They call me 'Bat Boy.'"
"Thank you, 'Bat Boy'."
Bat Boy made a sweeping turn and flew over the vampire
horde.
"What are those guys?"
"Vampires."
Bat Boy shakes a bit in the air, and Buffy tells him,
"Calm down. Try not to drop me."
"They give bats a bad name. How do we kill them?"
"Oh. A stake through the heart, or cut off their heads."
"Ready?"
Within the enchanted circle, Xander pulled out a
digital camera and took a picture of the flying pair.
Buffy smiled. Bat Boy's wings flapped once, and they
swept down toward the milling vampires. One foolhardy
vampire ran toward them, and then Buffy told Bat Boy to
aim toward the vampire's left. As they passed it, Buffy
swings her sword; one more vampire became dust.
Except for Lyle, the remaining mobile vampires all
panicked and started to run. Roger chose that moment
to dismiss his shield, and Xander killed a fleeing
vampire with a crossbow bolt.
"Up a little, please," said Buffy, and Bat Boy aimed
toward Lyle. Just before they reached Lyle, Buffy had
Bat Boy let her go. She landed feet-first, directly
onto Lyle's shoulders; Lyle nearly snapped in two as
Buffy continued into a rolling break-fall.
Lyle was still staggering when Buffy returned and
kicked it in the back, sending it flying into a
gravestone. Thoroughly broken, the vampire gave no
resistance when Bat Boy picked it up by the legs. The
winged creature flew off, Lyle upside down below him.
Lyle moaned a curse as he saw them rushing toward a
tree. The last thing he saw was a heavy limb of the
tree aimed at his chest.
Xander and Roger stood at Buffy's side as Bat Boy
returned; Xander had ended the existence of the vampire
Bat Boy had dropped onto the grave stone. "You see,
Roger, monsters can be quite useful and pleasant
sometimes."
Bat Boy landed in front of them. "That was fun!
Thanks."
"Thank you," said Buffy.
"If you ever need help, you can reach us here," said
Xander. He handed Bat Boy a WCI business card. Then,
they heard some yells from about a hundred yards away.
"The rest of the vampires?"
Buffy said, "Not unless these vampires had rifles."
"Tranquilizer guns. They're after me. I'd better go."
Bat Boy kissed Buffy's cheek. Then he ran a few steps
in the other direction, and took to the air.
"Fair winds, Bat Boy." Buffy waved as Bat Boy flew
off.
The new group reached them as Bat Boy flew past the
stand of trees where he had disposed of Lyle. In
despair, the leader fired a dart in the direction of
the winged creature. "He's getting away!"
Buffy and Xander walked toward the group of people.
They would have asked who the men were, but their sweat
shirts had 'F.B.I.' lettering on them. The second
armed man tried to run past Buffy to get a better view
of Bat Boy, but Buffy grabbed the back of his outfit;
he stopped dead.
Xander gave Roger a signal, and Roger murmured a Word
of Power, which made him unnoticeable. Roger edged away
toward their car.
"Get out of our way."
"No. Who are you chasing?"
"None of your business. Just recapturing some trash."
Buffy nodded. "I think Bat Boy got away. We're going
to wait right here until we're sure of that."
Finally, they noticed Buffy's sword and Xander's
crossbow. "You two are under arrest."
"For what?"
"Obstructing Federal officers. Carrying illegal
weapons."
Buffy and Xander laughed at that.
"You won't be laughing soon."
Buffy turned to Xander. "What should we do?"
"We can do something stupid and meaningless, or we can
just play along." "Right." The two submitted to the
indignity of handcuffing and body-searching; the agents
were surprised by the quantity and type of weapons they
had found.
---
"Janice, get Willow." Roger Bloom was seated in the
WCI car and spoke into his cell phone.
"She went to a movie with Kennedy."
"Get her. Buffy and Xander were just arrested by the
FBI."
"Oh, hell. No, I'm not calling Willow for that. Do
you want her to blow up the FBI building?"
"Well, do something."
"Wait one." Janice put him on hold, and Roger disliked
the Muzak version of 'The Sorcerer's Apprentice.' A
minute later, Janice connected again.
"I've brought Dawn in on this, Roger."
"Thanks."
"Tell me what happened," said Dawn.
"The whole thing was an ambush attempt by Lyle Gorch.
A dozen vamps jumped us, and it was getting pretty bad
until a creature calling itself 'Bat Boy' showed up."
"Bat Boy. Are you on drugs?"
"I should be to say something like that. Anyhow, the
thing and Buffy took out Lyle and most of the vamps,
and then some FBI agents chasing that thing showed up.
Buffy and Xander delayed them, but the FBI arrested
them."
"Got it. I'll take care of it. Go back to the hotel
and wait for my call." The call cut off.
---
Dawn dialed a phone number in Washington.
"This is the DHS automated answering system. If you
know your party's extension, please dial it now."
Dawn punched a code in. The phone rang once.
"Brent. S-Com."
"Brent, it's Dawn, code 27182818." Brent looked at a code
list and whistled into the phone. "How may I help
you?"
"I need to get two people out from under arrest. The
Bureau ran into them while they were at work, and didn't
like their attire."
"You're at your contact number?" "Yes." "You'll get a
call in 5."
"You'd better. I haven't flown off the handle, but
other people here might." "Right."
---
"That's an interesting sword you were carrying,
Elizabeth Anne Summers."
Buffy sat in an interrogation room at the Lexington
office of the FBI. "It's very old, and you do not want
to damage it." She gave the agent her fiercest scowl,
and he steps back for a second.
"What were you doing in that cemetery?"
"None of your business."
"You're under arrest. It is our business."
---
"Alexander Lavelle Harris. What were the two of you
doing in that cemetery?"
"We were there for a picnic."
"You're already facing prison time on weapons charges.
Do you really want to add more problems for yourself?"
"Believe me, this is nothing."
"So, why the crossbow? And why wooden bolts? Most
hunting crossbows use fiberglass."
"Because I'm an old-fashioned kind of guy?"
---
The leader and another agent were trying to get an
explanation from Buffy, but neither the leader's
threats nor the other agent's cajoling evoked any
reaction from her. Then, around eleven o'clock,
someone knocked on the door.
"What is it," said the leader.
"Agent Francis, phone call." He grumbled and walked out
of the room. His partner tried to get to Buffy, but
she simply closed her eyes and remembered Heaven.
---
Agent Francis took the phone his colleague handed him
and spoke:
"Agent Francis here."
"Agent Francis, I am Deputy Assistant Attorney General
Carl Donnels."
"Yes, Sir?"
"You are interrogating two suspects, an Elizabeth
Summers and an Alexander Harris."
"Yes, we are. Do you know anything about them?"
"I know too much about them, which is why you are going
to let the two of them go."
"Go? They will be charged with obstruction of justice.
We are not letting them go. And I don't know you from
Adam. You are not in my chain of command, Sir."
"I was afraid you were going to say that. So, I have
someone who is." Carl gave the phone the man next to
him; that man said, "Agent Francis, are you listening
to me?"
Francis was shocked by the voice. "Director?"
"Agent Francis, I do not have the time to tell you how
stupid you are being. You will listen to
D.A.A.G. Donnels, you will follow every instruction he
gives you, and you will account yourself very lucky
that you and your team are uninjured."
"Yes, Sir!"
The Director handed the phone back to Carl Donnels; he
continued saying, "Agent Francis, I only want to
explain myself once, so you get Xander and Buffy into
the same interrogation room, you join them there, and
you put me on speaker. Do you understand me?"
"Yes, sir."
"Then, do it."
Three minutes later, Xander had been led into Buffy's
interrogation room, and Agent Francis had the call
transferred to the speaker phone.
"Buffy, Xander, I am Deputy Assistant Attorney General
Carl Donnels, and I understand you were arrested in a
Lexington cemetery. May I assume you weren't there for
sightseeing?"
"You may, Carl. I guess you know what we do."
"I am the DOJ delegate to S-Com, and my job is to
ease any legal difficulties your organization may
have. The President told me last year, 'They have a
difficult job to do, and they do it very well. Keep
our people from getting in their way.'"
"Thanks you and him for that. Now can you get them to
uncuff us?"
"Francis, release the two of them before Buffy finds it
necessary to damage government property." Francis took
the time to unlock Buffy and Xander.
"Buffy, will you and Xander have any problems after
tonight?"
Xander spoke first: "We have a major problem. These
agents were trying to recapture a non-human that they
had imprisoned, and that I guess they were
experimenting on. You know why we can't allow that."
Buffy added, "You know our policy. If they're
criminal, try them and jail them. If they're part of
our jurisdiction, just kill them already. Don't
experiment on them."
"I've seen some of the records from 2000. Is this
true, Francis?" Francis didn't reply. "Well, I'm
going to have do an inspection. Expect me at 8am the
day after tomorrow, Agent Francis."
"But he was dangerous!"
"Your words may have painful consequences, Francis.
Now, give them all their gear, and have a discreet
agent take them to their hotel."
"Yes, Sir."
"One more thing, Francis. If any one of you leaks
anything to the press, to your wives, to your
bartenders, or to anyone at all, I shall make sure that
person spends the next twenty-five years at a Super-Max
prison. It's that important. Am I clear?"
"Quite clear, Sir."
"Now escort them out. Good night."
---
Roger met Buffy and Xander at the hotel; he held the
box of pizza that Xander had asked him to get, and the
three of them went to Buffy's room. They closed the
door behind them, and Buffy sat down on the bed.
"Roger, Xander and I will need to stay here for a week;
we need to track down the ones who got away. You are
going to go back to Cleveland. Leave the car; take
your choice of bu or train."
"But, Willow told me to watch over Xander."
"I love Willow dearly, but I do not need a baby
sitter," said Xander.
"I'm tired of her trying to control everyone to keep
them safe. If she gives you any trouble, you tell her
to talk with me."
"I understand."
"And, Roger, go back to your room. Xander and I have
Board of Directors' business to discuss." Roger left.
----
BtVS is a creation of Joss Whedon for Kuzui
Enterprises. "Bat Boy" was created by Dick Kulpa for
the Weekly World News and is the title character of
"Bat Boy: The Musical". WWN will publish its final
issue on August 27, 2007, and I'm pig-biting mad over
it.
To be continued in the next non-thrilling story,
"Parallel Conversations".
by Eric Jablow
Sequel to "Keepers in Rome" and "Inspired
Conversations".
----
"Are we there yet?"
"No, Xander."
"Are we there yet?"
"No, Xander! I know Willow stuck me with the job of
watching you, but I'm not happy with it either. So,
grow up," said Roger Bloom.
"Tell me why you have to drive us to Lexington instead
of us flying there."
"Because DHS gets very nervous when either of you go
flying anywhere without giving them one week's notice.
Just ask Buffy what happened the last time she tried
flying anywhere."
Buffy stirs from her nap upon hearing her name.
"I guess you're right," says Xander. He dozed again.
"Are we there yet?"
"Buffy, grow up. Please."
---
Buffy and Xander stood outside a rest stop 60 miles
north of Lexington, Kentucky; they were sipping coffee
from large travel mugs.
"So, are the other teams in position, Xander?"
"Annette and Carl are near Phil Myers' site. Eugenia
and Bethany are at Jeannie Wilkes', and Danielle and
Bob are at Cara Phelps' site."
"I hate it when we get a group vampire attack and
siring."
"Reminds you of the Anointed One?"
"Yeah. Four people from U. of Kentucky and
Transylvania University coming back from a vacation
trip, and they get whacked."
"We haven't been able to kill of all the vampires yet,
but we're getting there. The remaining ones must be
desperate. And who'd name a university after Drac's
home anyway?"
"I don't know. But I'm getting a funny feeling about
this one. The three of us will be at the cemetery in
Lexington for Sam O'Brien's; I think we'll all be
needed."
Roger walked toward them from the travel center. Xander
asked him, "You got rooms for us?"
"Rooms 232 and 342 at the Lexington Marriott. Your
room has a Jacuzzi, Buffy."
"I get that?"
Roger shrugs. "You're the senior Slayer."
"Thanks. I do ache sometimes after a fight." The
three went back to the car.
"Did I ever thank you for taking down Dru?"
"No, Buffy."
"Thanks. Don't do it again."
"I'll try not to." They get into the car.
"So, Xan, how was the Boston trip?"
"Pretty good. Faith was Faith, of course. But I think
we'll get at least one good analyst out of the deal. I
am going to need to talk to the SHS Memorial website;
there's a little too much data out there on us."
"That could be bad."
---
Just before dusk that evening, Buffy, Xander, and Roger
waited near a fresh grave at the Shady Rest Cemetery of
Lexington.
"They're all in position and ready," said Xander.
"Good." Buffy made a final check of her stakes; she
had enough of them to pitch a large tent. Then, she
unsheathed her sword.
"You really like that one," said Xander. His crossbow
was at hand, and an axe was strapped to his belt.
Roger looked carefully at the sword. "That is an
interesting blade. Where did you get it?"
"In Europe."
"She's not going to tell us, Roger."
"No, I'm not. Whatever happens, Roger, keep Xander
safe." The "Or else!" she left unspoken.
"I have only shielding spells, Buffy."
"Do you ever get the feeling that we're getting bored
with this."
"We're professionals, Xander. But we'd better pay
attention. We can't afford to slip up."
The three heard a familiar sliding noise from the
grave they were near. "Showtime."
A pair of claws poked through the earth, and Buffy got
her stake ready. Then, the thing masquerading as Sam
O'Brien pulled itself halfway out of the ground. It
looked at them, and shook its head. "Wha-wha-where am
I?"
Buffy and Xander snickered; about one-third of all new
vampires tried to play dumb. The rest were just dumb.
"Goodbye, 'Sam.'" The vampire snarled and transformed,
but that lasted only five seconds before Buffy's stake
pierced its heart.
"That was too easy."
"Look behind you, Buffy," replied Xander. A troop of a
dozen vampires strode toward them. They carry lead
pipes, chains, and switchblades. "That's Lyle
Gorch--and the Sharks?"
"We meet again, Slayer. And you don't have a monster
around to help you."
"Don't need one." The junior vampires charged; with a
flick of Buffy's wrist and a thud of a crossbow firing,
two of them were only dust. "Shield him!"
Buffy drew her sword and charged the vampire troop;
five of the junior vampires ran to meet her while the
other four swung around toward Xander and Roger. Roger
spoke a word in Latin and threw a handful of red powder
on the ground; sparks rose around them. Then a glowing
cylinder surrounded them, and the four running vampires
bounced off.
Buffy fenced with the five vampires facing her, but
they must have trained together; each time she struck
at one, its fellows pressed their attack on her and she
was forced to pull back. She occasionally drew blood
striking at their exposed arms and legs, but that would
only be a nuisance. She received some glancing blows
from their pipes and clubs, but she could shrug those
off all night.
"Are you worried, Xander?" Roger had never seen Buffy
fight.
"Piece of cake." Xander looked a bit unsure of
himself. Lyle called out a command, and two of the
vampires trying to batter their way through the shield
spell then peeled off to try to get behind Buffy.
"Buffy, behind you!"
Just before the newcomers reached her, Buffy leaped into
the air, somersaulting over their heads. As she landed,
she threw a stake at one of them newcomers; only dust
was left.
Two vampires stood guard over Xander and Roger; Lyle
and the remaining vampires then charged Buffy. Now
with seven opponents, she was worried. Then, Buffy
started to hear a faint high-pitched cry coming from
high in the air in the general direction of town, but
none of her opponents seemed to hear it. The fight went
on, the noise getting louder.
After a few indecisive minutes of battle, Lyle lost his
patience. Lyle stepped behind one of the junior
vampires and shoved it forward, spitting it on Buffy's
sword. The vampires try to swarm her as she lets go of
the sword; one punches her in the right side, dropping
her to the ground. She desperately tries to roll away
from the vampires, as Xander looks on in horror, but
one looms over her and grabs her.
As the vampire bends down to drain her, a winged figure
glides over the fighters and stoops on the two of
them. Just as the vamp was about to bite her, the
winged monster grabbed it, piercing the vamp's torso.
The vamp screams as the monster flies off with it, and
Buffy leaps to her feet.
Buffy ran through the shocked vamps and reached the
transfixed demon. "I'm going to need this." She then
pulled the sword from the vamp's torso and ended its
existence. She heard a cry from above. She looked up
to see the monster dropping his prey from tree-height.
It landed head first onto a gravestone; its head a red
ruin, it was out of the fight.
The remaining vampires walked gingerly toward Buffy;
they were a little cowed. Suddenly, the monster banked
and flew through the milling vampires. They ducked as it
landed next to Buffy. It gently holds her with its
claws, and it launches the two of them into the air,
escaping the vampires' charge.
"Who are you, pretty lady?" The monster had a
distorted, half-human face, and his wings are thin and
membranous. His voice was high-pitched and reedy.
"I'm Buffy. And you?"
"They call me 'Bat Boy.'"
"Thank you, 'Bat Boy'."
Bat Boy made a sweeping turn and flew over the vampire
horde.
"What are those guys?"
"Vampires."
Bat Boy shakes a bit in the air, and Buffy tells him,
"Calm down. Try not to drop me."
"They give bats a bad name. How do we kill them?"
"Oh. A stake through the heart, or cut off their heads."
"Ready?"
Within the enchanted circle, Xander pulled out a
digital camera and took a picture of the flying pair.
Buffy smiled. Bat Boy's wings flapped once, and they
swept down toward the milling vampires. One foolhardy
vampire ran toward them, and then Buffy told Bat Boy to
aim toward the vampire's left. As they passed it, Buffy
swings her sword; one more vampire became dust.
Except for Lyle, the remaining mobile vampires all
panicked and started to run. Roger chose that moment
to dismiss his shield, and Xander killed a fleeing
vampire with a crossbow bolt.
"Up a little, please," said Buffy, and Bat Boy aimed
toward Lyle. Just before they reached Lyle, Buffy had
Bat Boy let her go. She landed feet-first, directly
onto Lyle's shoulders; Lyle nearly snapped in two as
Buffy continued into a rolling break-fall.
Lyle was still staggering when Buffy returned and
kicked it in the back, sending it flying into a
gravestone. Thoroughly broken, the vampire gave no
resistance when Bat Boy picked it up by the legs. The
winged creature flew off, Lyle upside down below him.
Lyle moaned a curse as he saw them rushing toward a
tree. The last thing he saw was a heavy limb of the
tree aimed at his chest.
Xander and Roger stood at Buffy's side as Bat Boy
returned; Xander had ended the existence of the vampire
Bat Boy had dropped onto the grave stone. "You see,
Roger, monsters can be quite useful and pleasant
sometimes."
Bat Boy landed in front of them. "That was fun!
Thanks."
"Thank you," said Buffy.
"If you ever need help, you can reach us here," said
Xander. He handed Bat Boy a WCI business card. Then,
they heard some yells from about a hundred yards away.
"The rest of the vampires?"
Buffy said, "Not unless these vampires had rifles."
"Tranquilizer guns. They're after me. I'd better go."
Bat Boy kissed Buffy's cheek. Then he ran a few steps
in the other direction, and took to the air.
"Fair winds, Bat Boy." Buffy waved as Bat Boy flew
off.
The new group reached them as Bat Boy flew past the
stand of trees where he had disposed of Lyle. In
despair, the leader fired a dart in the direction of
the winged creature. "He's getting away!"
Buffy and Xander walked toward the group of people.
They would have asked who the men were, but their sweat
shirts had 'F.B.I.' lettering on them. The second
armed man tried to run past Buffy to get a better view
of Bat Boy, but Buffy grabbed the back of his outfit;
he stopped dead.
Xander gave Roger a signal, and Roger murmured a Word
of Power, which made him unnoticeable. Roger edged away
toward their car.
"Get out of our way."
"No. Who are you chasing?"
"None of your business. Just recapturing some trash."
Buffy nodded. "I think Bat Boy got away. We're going
to wait right here until we're sure of that."
Finally, they noticed Buffy's sword and Xander's
crossbow. "You two are under arrest."
"For what?"
"Obstructing Federal officers. Carrying illegal
weapons."
Buffy and Xander laughed at that.
"You won't be laughing soon."
Buffy turned to Xander. "What should we do?"
"We can do something stupid and meaningless, or we can
just play along." "Right." The two submitted to the
indignity of handcuffing and body-searching; the agents
were surprised by the quantity and type of weapons they
had found.
---
"Janice, get Willow." Roger Bloom was seated in the
WCI car and spoke into his cell phone.
"She went to a movie with Kennedy."
"Get her. Buffy and Xander were just arrested by the
FBI."
"Oh, hell. No, I'm not calling Willow for that. Do
you want her to blow up the FBI building?"
"Well, do something."
"Wait one." Janice put him on hold, and Roger disliked
the Muzak version of 'The Sorcerer's Apprentice.' A
minute later, Janice connected again.
"I've brought Dawn in on this, Roger."
"Thanks."
"Tell me what happened," said Dawn.
"The whole thing was an ambush attempt by Lyle Gorch.
A dozen vamps jumped us, and it was getting pretty bad
until a creature calling itself 'Bat Boy' showed up."
"Bat Boy. Are you on drugs?"
"I should be to say something like that. Anyhow, the
thing and Buffy took out Lyle and most of the vamps,
and then some FBI agents chasing that thing showed up.
Buffy and Xander delayed them, but the FBI arrested
them."
"Got it. I'll take care of it. Go back to the hotel
and wait for my call." The call cut off.
---
Dawn dialed a phone number in Washington.
"This is the DHS automated answering system. If you
know your party's extension, please dial it now."
Dawn punched a code in. The phone rang once.
"Brent. S-Com."
"Brent, it's Dawn, code 27182818." Brent looked at a code
list and whistled into the phone. "How may I help
you?"
"I need to get two people out from under arrest. The
Bureau ran into them while they were at work, and didn't
like their attire."
"You're at your contact number?" "Yes." "You'll get a
call in 5."
"You'd better. I haven't flown off the handle, but
other people here might." "Right."
---
"That's an interesting sword you were carrying,
Elizabeth Anne Summers."
Buffy sat in an interrogation room at the Lexington
office of the FBI. "It's very old, and you do not want
to damage it." She gave the agent her fiercest scowl,
and he steps back for a second.
"What were you doing in that cemetery?"
"None of your business."
"You're under arrest. It is our business."
---
"Alexander Lavelle Harris. What were the two of you
doing in that cemetery?"
"We were there for a picnic."
"You're already facing prison time on weapons charges.
Do you really want to add more problems for yourself?"
"Believe me, this is nothing."
"So, why the crossbow? And why wooden bolts? Most
hunting crossbows use fiberglass."
"Because I'm an old-fashioned kind of guy?"
---
The leader and another agent were trying to get an
explanation from Buffy, but neither the leader's
threats nor the other agent's cajoling evoked any
reaction from her. Then, around eleven o'clock,
someone knocked on the door.
"What is it," said the leader.
"Agent Francis, phone call." He grumbled and walked out
of the room. His partner tried to get to Buffy, but
she simply closed her eyes and remembered Heaven.
---
Agent Francis took the phone his colleague handed him
and spoke:
"Agent Francis here."
"Agent Francis, I am Deputy Assistant Attorney General
Carl Donnels."
"Yes, Sir?"
"You are interrogating two suspects, an Elizabeth
Summers and an Alexander Harris."
"Yes, we are. Do you know anything about them?"
"I know too much about them, which is why you are going
to let the two of them go."
"Go? They will be charged with obstruction of justice.
We are not letting them go. And I don't know you from
Adam. You are not in my chain of command, Sir."
"I was afraid you were going to say that. So, I have
someone who is." Carl gave the phone the man next to
him; that man said, "Agent Francis, are you listening
to me?"
Francis was shocked by the voice. "Director?"
"Agent Francis, I do not have the time to tell you how
stupid you are being. You will listen to
D.A.A.G. Donnels, you will follow every instruction he
gives you, and you will account yourself very lucky
that you and your team are uninjured."
"Yes, Sir!"
The Director handed the phone back to Carl Donnels; he
continued saying, "Agent Francis, I only want to
explain myself once, so you get Xander and Buffy into
the same interrogation room, you join them there, and
you put me on speaker. Do you understand me?"
"Yes, sir."
"Then, do it."
Three minutes later, Xander had been led into Buffy's
interrogation room, and Agent Francis had the call
transferred to the speaker phone.
"Buffy, Xander, I am Deputy Assistant Attorney General
Carl Donnels, and I understand you were arrested in a
Lexington cemetery. May I assume you weren't there for
sightseeing?"
"You may, Carl. I guess you know what we do."
"I am the DOJ delegate to S-Com, and my job is to
ease any legal difficulties your organization may
have. The President told me last year, 'They have a
difficult job to do, and they do it very well. Keep
our people from getting in their way.'"
"Thanks you and him for that. Now can you get them to
uncuff us?"
"Francis, release the two of them before Buffy finds it
necessary to damage government property." Francis took
the time to unlock Buffy and Xander.
"Buffy, will you and Xander have any problems after
tonight?"
Xander spoke first: "We have a major problem. These
agents were trying to recapture a non-human that they
had imprisoned, and that I guess they were
experimenting on. You know why we can't allow that."
Buffy added, "You know our policy. If they're
criminal, try them and jail them. If they're part of
our jurisdiction, just kill them already. Don't
experiment on them."
"I've seen some of the records from 2000. Is this
true, Francis?" Francis didn't reply. "Well, I'm
going to have do an inspection. Expect me at 8am the
day after tomorrow, Agent Francis."
"But he was dangerous!"
"Your words may have painful consequences, Francis.
Now, give them all their gear, and have a discreet
agent take them to their hotel."
"Yes, Sir."
"One more thing, Francis. If any one of you leaks
anything to the press, to your wives, to your
bartenders, or to anyone at all, I shall make sure that
person spends the next twenty-five years at a Super-Max
prison. It's that important. Am I clear?"
"Quite clear, Sir."
"Now escort them out. Good night."
---
Roger met Buffy and Xander at the hotel; he held the
box of pizza that Xander had asked him to get, and the
three of them went to Buffy's room. They closed the
door behind them, and Buffy sat down on the bed.
"Roger, Xander and I will need to stay here for a week;
we need to track down the ones who got away. You are
going to go back to Cleveland. Leave the car; take
your choice of bu or train."
"But, Willow told me to watch over Xander."
"I love Willow dearly, but I do not need a baby
sitter," said Xander.
"I'm tired of her trying to control everyone to keep
them safe. If she gives you any trouble, you tell her
to talk with me."
"I understand."
"And, Roger, go back to your room. Xander and I have
Board of Directors' business to discuss." Roger left.
----
BtVS is a creation of Joss Whedon for Kuzui
Enterprises. "Bat Boy" was created by Dick Kulpa for
the Weekly World News and is the title character of
"Bat Boy: The Musical". WWN will publish its final
issue on August 27, 2007, and I'm pig-biting mad over
it.
To be continued in the next non-thrilling story,
"Parallel Conversations".
--
Respectfully,
Eric Jablow
Respectfully,
Eric Jablow